The Lord of the Rings: How it Really Happened
by Erelil Awarthiel
Summary: A parody, featuring the amazing Ailyeranda Narindella! This story has it all, a 10th walker, high Mary Sue factor, a dazzling half-god/fae/elf/dragon/mage, and lots of love! Witness her story from amazing to great, when she embarks on a journey to save Middle-earth once and for all! Full summary inside.
1. An Unexpected Kidnapping

**A/N: I have no idea what I've done, but I've done it. If you missed the genre tag, I'll tell you now that this is 100% parody, with humor, love, and adventure thrown into the mix. The first two chapters of this story will be more of an introduction to the Mary Sue, so sorry if the beginning seem a little slow, and too little Mary Sue-y. This is not a part of the Tales of the Morningstar series.**

**Note that I'm not making fun of anyone in particular by writing this. It's simply to cure my own writer's block, it's been nagging me for a while now. Also note that if you have included any of the stuff I'm putting in my parody in your story, it doesn't mean it's a poorly developed Mary Sue fanfic, it's just an element I included in my story because I wanted to. Disclaimer regarding all my fanfiction work is in my bio. Enjoy.**

**Summary:**

**I present to you, the Lord of the Rings: How it Really Happened. Featuring the amazing, the magical, the awesome, Ailyeranda Narindella! This little story has it all, a 10th walker, high Mary Sue factor, a dazzling half-god/fae/elf/dragon/mage, and love! Lots and lots of love packed in short, underdeveloped chapters (because no chapter could ever be long enough to contain Ailyeranda's greatness;)) Witness her story from amazing to great, when she embarks on a journey to save Middle-earth once and for all!**

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Chapter 1, An Unexpected Kidnapping

Bright light completely clouded her eyesight, as she was pulled towards what first seemed like a regular tree. It had been just like you would expect, brown, with green leaves and a thick trunk. However, as her fingers graced its bark, it had, well, she wasn't really sure what it did, but it did _something_, and she wasn't having it! With a shriek, she tried to pull her hand away. Ailyeranda found herself drawn to the tree, which was now expanding, and oddly enough filled her vision with a dazzling, white, godly light.

And that was it. She was gonna die, she knew it. There was no way expanding trees meant good fortune. Before she knew it, the feeling of being pulled closer to the tree became more than a simple thug. Oh no, quite the opposite. It was like she had a whole army pressing on her back, pushing her closer and closer. She put on her bravest face yet. With a determined look and a will of iron, she was prepared to meet whatever lay beyo—ah who the eff am I kidding… she wasn't ready, not in the slightest. A tree was about to consume her, she was terrified. The girl shut her eyes and was expecting to see none other than her dead grandmother behind the curtains of white light. End of discussion.

HOwEvEr(!) that was not the case, not this time, no. As she seemed to float in thin air, surrounded by nothing than that previously mentioned godly light, a voice called out to her. It was deep, and belonged to a man. It sounded like he was in her head, right next to her, and a million miles away. All at the same time. She couldn't place that voice at all, but it spoke to her nonetheless.

_Ailyeranda Narindella, at last you will fulfill your prophesied destiny. I am Eru, the God over Gods, and you are the Hero over Heroes. The Valar can only do so much, but you are destined for great things. Middle-earth needs you!_

The voice was gone as fast as it came, and she surely wasn't familiar with that Eru dude, but he seriously needed to drop the dramatics. I mean, who would bother with both sound effects and special props. In all honesty, he could've just texted. Here she was, on what seemed like the exact same forest floor, with an aching butt and a dizzy head, all for nothing.

Once she'd gotten a hang of her whereabouts, she started to head home. A cold glass of cola, filled to the brim, accompanied by crushed ice cubes, sounded like heaven right now.

And it was heaven indeed, for she walked and walked and walked and (well, you get the drill), however, home was nowhere to be found. The trees looked the same, the air was filled with that same fresh, grassy smell, but something felt off. Like she could simply _feel_ something was amiss. Must be the sign of a headache forming. She seemed to have walked for hours, and the sun had even started to disappear behind the trees.

"I give up!" With a frustrated sigh, she sat down next to the trunk of a tree, and simply waited. Only the Valar knew exactly _what_ she was waiting for, though. It wasn't like some messenger from the Gods would just appear out of nowhere and—

"My Lady Ailyeranda Narindella! At last you have blessed us with your company. Please, my Lady, would you be so kind as to grace me with the utmost honor of allowing a mere Elf like me to escort you safely to your home?"

Yeah, okay, nope, this was not happening. What kind of cruel joke was this? Ailyeranda looked quizzically on the man before her. He was clad in odd, otherworldly clothes. He had long hair, most unusual for a guy, and literally everything about him screamed 'non-human being'... Then again, Ailyeranda was never one to back down! So she got up on her feet, and followed the odd-looking man back to what she hoped was her home.

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**A/N: If you've reached this far, lemme tell ya that as soon as she 'LeaRNs WhO SHe ReALLy iS' (which'll happen soon enough) she'll get her god-mode on. For now, though, she's just a scared girl in the woods who wants to go home. I'd appreciate it if you (yeah, you right there!) left a review, telling me what you think so far. 'Till next time!**


	2. True Colors

**A/N: To Huntress C: thank you for reviewing! I appreciate that you read and reviewed my first chapter, and I'm happy that you enjoyed the story so far:)**

**Also, I'm not really sure what I want from this story yet… this is mostly just used for me as a way to get rid of my writer's block, so I haven't really given this story that much thought. I think I will try to keep the archaic speaking ways, and some key elements. I hope this won't ruin the parody/humor genre, but I think that if I put too much unserious and silly content, it will ruin the story. So I guess I'll improvise a little as I go, and add some turns and twists, at the same time as the chapters give as much (and as little) sense as a parody can make. With that being said, I won't bother y'all with my author notes any longer, so enjoy this chapter!**

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Chapter 2, True Colors

"Hold on, you said you were going to lead me home. Last time I checked, home didn't have houses balancing on top of enormous trees!" Ailyeranda stopped hesitantly in her steps, looking from tree to tree in both awe and fear. The whole forest was filled with a cold, blue light. It was partly from the rising moon, and partly from the brightly lit lamps that hung from some of the nearby branches. Huge tree houses surrounded her, and tall people with fair faces were walking about. She shook her head in disbelief, not entirely sure what to do next. Any other day, she would've refused this stranger's offer to help, but apparently not today. It was like an invisible and invincible power had forced her into thinking that following random people to 'home' sounded like a good idea.

"But, my Lady—" What was the beginning of a long, pleading reply was cut short, as the strange man looked over Ailyeranda's shoulder in surprise. All of a sudden, he bowed to the figure watching them. Shortly after, he excused himself, and left. Ailyeranda turned around hesitantly, to find none other than Galadriel looking at her. To Ailyeranda, however, Galadriel was just a tall woman, with incredibly long hair, clad in white.

"Uh, can I help you?"

At that, Galadriel closed the distance between them, and smiled at the girl in front of her. She laid a hand on her shoulder, and Ailyeranda wanted to shake it off and get some distance between them. It did creep her out a little (quite a lot, actually), but there was something about this incredibly tall woman that made her stay put.

"Not yet, but soon you can. For now, leave the helping to us. You are lost in your curse, my friend, and are in need of aid. Follow me." Galadriel removed her hand from Ailyeranda's shoulder, and went past her. The girl stayed put, watching Galadriel walk away. It didn't take long, however, until she found herself jogging up beside her. Once Ailyeranda's pace matched hers, Galadriel explained the situation further, trying to jog her memory. "It took the rest of the White Council a decade to free you. By the passing of the tenth year of your absence, we thought it hopeless, but freed you are; and brought back just in time."

"In time for what?"

"You will see."

Ailyeranda followed Galadriel through the forest in pure (awkward) silence. The happenings of today had just started to sink in. Even though she looked calm and collected on the outside, the inside was a mess. Her panic panicked, it was that bad. We're talking an internal alarm going off inside her brain, as the tiny organisms seated at the control panel of her body pushed big, red buttons and used hatches to literally hack (pun intended) the overriding programs and senses. What would she tell her family? _How _would she tell her family? "Hi mom! Tall, pretty, human-like beings brought me to a wood with big tree houses, and told me I needed help." Yea… no. That wasn't gonna cut it. Her family would agree wholeheartedly with the 'needing help' part, though.

Galadriel halted in her steps, and Ailyeranda was so deeply buried in her thoughts that she almost crashed into her. "We have arrived. Take a seat, I will return shortly," said Galadriel. She gestured to a very comfortable-looking settee close by. It was almost like they had arrived to a living room. An open one, that is. There were no walls, and no roof, but it was decorated like an ordinary room, although not modernized. Like the rest of this odd village, it looked like it belonged in an otherworldly setting. She sat herself gingerly on the settee, and it was as soft as it looked. Galadriel was nowhere to be seen, though she didn't exactly search for her either. Her eyes were set on a stack of books on a table next to the settee.

Careful not to disrupt the balance of the tower of books, Ailyeranda took the one laying on the top. The cover was bound with brown leather, and was engraved with what seemed like pretty doodles. The insides were also just pretty doodles, to her surprise. She'd never seen anything like it in her seventeen years. She obviously didn't look like an average seventeen-year-old, however. Not in a bad way, of course, because that would completely defy rule number sixty-eight in the 'Mary Sue recipe book'. She was a teen, looking like, well, an older teen. One may go as far as saying a young adult, and even though we're very off-topic now, I will eagerly take any chance I have to discuss the beauty of Ailyeranda Narindella!

With vibrant, loose, long, wavy, colorful (but yet not over-the-top), light, thick, flowy, pulsating, amazing, luxurious hair, accompanied by a beautiful face with gorgeous eyes, she was absolutely breathtaking. And to add fuel to the already raging and unquenchable forest fire, she had the most almightifulliciousing (If it wasn't a word before, it sure is now!) voice. She was just… I don't even have words to describe her greatness (literally… I'm spent. She's just too damn almightifullicious, I guess)! However, back to the matter at hand.

Ailyeranda was skimming over the pretty doodles in the book. Page after page filled with ink was skipped past, as she searched for a part written in the good ol' English language. She never got that far, however. Once she spotted Galadriel coming towards her, Ailyeranda closed the book and left it on the table beside the stack of books. Galadriel had a tiny phial filled with clear liquid in her hand. She sat herself beside Ailyeranda, and handed it to her. Ailyeranda took it from her with a firm, but loose grip. Elf and Human locked eyes, and Galadriel was the one to break the silence. She laid a hand on top of Ailyeranda's own, before removing the crystal cork.

"This is one of the two phials holding a portion of the Light of Eärendil. In order for you to regain your memories, and your power, you will have to drink the contents of this phial."

"I have to what now?" Ailyeranda had enough common sense to know the possible dangers of drinking the liquid in that phial. When strangers, which had kidnapped you (even if you agreed to said kidnapping), offered you something to drink, you say no; always.

"I understand your doubt, considering your situation, but if you cannot bring yourself to trust me, trust yourself."

She was trusting herself, but it didn't bring the phial any closer to her lips. However, Ailyeranda had to admit that there was something about the whole situation that made her want to ignore what some people would call common sense. The longer she held that phial, the harder it became to resist. She felt uneasy and an inner restlessness grew in her, as if she stood at the edge of a cliff, ready to jump off and fly away but couldn't. She concluded with herself that some decision of sorts had to be made. So with one quick motion, she brought the phial to her lips and chugged it down like a sample of cheap champagne.

What happened next even shocked Galadriel, not because of all the things that happened, more because of all the things that didn't. Absolutely nothing, zero reaction. Pure silence followed, as Ailyeranda's expectant eyes met Galadriel's slightly disappointed ones. Now it was Galadriel's turn to have her panic panicking. She had expected immediate results, but none was shown, as of yet. A thought briefly crossed her mind, what if she gave Ailyeranda the other phial as well?

Figuring it was worth trying, Galadriel handed the second phial to Ailyeranda. She wasn't entirely sure how to proceed further, seeing as no other person had ever been put in Ailyeranda's situation. However, she figured they would, well, experiment with it. Ailyeranda raised an eyebrow as yet another flask of clear liquid was put in her hands. Galadriel had a hopeful glint in her eyes, wondering if the light in Ailyeranda would respond with the light in the phial. Ailyeranda, however, was pretty sure that Galadriel was trying to drug her down. In fear of just that, Ailyeranda reached out to give the phial back, but stopped as she noticed that the liquid water-like content emitted a faint glow. To Ailyeranda's surprise, and Galadriel's relief, the phial was not the only thing that started to glow. White patterns formed on the inner side of her right forearm. It grew brighter and brighter, almost temporarily stripping her from her eyesight. She had to turn her head to the side, to shield her eyes.

Moments after, the intensity of the light subsided, leaving only a faint glow lingering behind. The poor human blinked a few times, trying to decide whether she was dreaming, drunk, or dead—or all of the three. Low mumbling slowly claimed her attention, pulling her back to reality. Looking around, she noticed that the forest, which had seemed empty before, started to become more crowded. Some stayed within earshot (however still not intimidatingly close, because, well, Elven hearing:P), while others walked through the forest at a slow pace. They kept their own conversations low, and stole discreet glances Ailyeranda's way. She was oblivious to it, though, just like she was oblivious to the mark on her own forearm.

Galadriel, however, was fully aware. She hoped the curse Sauron had put Ailyeranda under had been broken at last. «Do you now remember?»

At that, Ailyeranda turned her head to Galadriel. Their eyes met for a brief moment, before her eyes drifted to her birthmark. Yes, yes she remembered… or she thought she did. Some things were still unclear, she couldn't figure out what, however. It felt like she had just woken up from a dream, one of those dreams that leave your mind constantly wandering back to it. The things that had happened in said dream were as clear as daylight. She remembered it all, from the people she had interacted with on a daily basis, to the smaller things like customs and unspoken society rules. Yet, they were distant and the faces were vague, just like everything else.

You know that feeling when you can't come up with the perfect word you're looking for? When it's on the tip of your tongue, yet stuck halfway down your throat at the same time? It was that exact feeling Ailyeranda was having. She could feel the feelings it gave her, taste the food she'd eaten on her tongue and imagine her life, but she could not _see _it. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't clearly make out anything specific…

"I... " Ailyeranda cleared her throat, eyes fixated on the flower-star-meteor-unicorn-sparkle-shaped birthmark on her lower arm, "I am glad you brought me back, Artanis, however the thoughts I believed to be my own are still plastered to my mind. My true identity and my false life has been mixed… how come?" She handed the phial back to Galadriel, and touched her birthmark. Her fingers traced an intricate, beautiful pattern of lines. Flowers, stars and petals seemed to dance and swirl around the lines, like leaves in the wind.

"Of that I am unsure, but I believe it might be from the aftermath of the curse. A mind can be tricked to forget, but seldom forgets the trick in turn. You did not remember your true identity in your curse, but you remember the curse itself, and I doubt you will forget it so easily."

"You are correct, however, I think my mind will be able to better wrap itself around these changes, once I have had some rest. Pardon, but I will return to my talan, considering it is still mine, that is." Ailyeranda stood up, taking a deep breath. She felt like she hadn't slept in years, and like she hadn't inhaled fresh air for months.

Galadriel smiled warmly at her friend, new hope rekindling in her heart, at the return of Middle-earth's brightest light. "Your talan has always been yours, and always will be, for as long as you want it. The maidens have kept it clean and tidy in your absence, however I will inform them of your return, so they don't enter your talan uninvited tomorrow morning." She rose up from her seat, and tucked the phial in the pocket of her dress.

"Thank you, Galadriel, for everything." Ailyeranda closed the distance between them, and gave her friend a hug. Galadriel towered above her, though that didn't stop Ailyeranda from holding on with a tight grip. "I would have been lost if you had given up on me, and I owe you my life. If there is anything I might assist you with, by all means, tell me and I shall either succeed or die trying."

"Then help me, Ailyeranda." They parted, and Galadriel's gentle look had been replaced with a gaze so intense that Ailyeranda struggled to not look away. "Help me free Middle-earth of Sauron, once and for all. I can feel it, and Elrond has foreseen it. If we do not act, Sauron will, and he offers mercy to none. I know your past with Sauron is a troublesome one, but you might be our only hope. Elrond is having a council in three days. I need you to attend, and offer your assistance where it's needed. Can I burden you with this, so soon after your return? Will you take this weight upon your shoulders, and bear it even when more is lifted upon you?"

"I... " She trailed off, a million thoughts running inside her already tired mind. Galadriel asked a lot of her, but she knew this was an important task, and she wasn't about to fail one of her closest friends, "I will do it, whatever they ask of me, and whatever you wish. I owe you that much." She took a deep breath. The thought of being on her way to Rivendell as soon as tomorrow made her heart sink, but if she were to help in any way she could, she'd have to be where they needed said help. Besides, Ailyeranda knew that her friend never would've asked that of her, if she believed she couldn't do it. And you can bet yo house and yo wife and yo life that Ailyeranda could! So with the plan for the next few days set out for her, she headed down the familiar path to her old talan, like nothing had changed.

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**A/N: A **_**talan **_**is an open platform built in the trees of Lothlórien, for the Elves to live in, and _Artanis_ is another name for Galadriel. Also, I'm a little unsure about the word cork for the crystal phial. And I'm not sure what you guys would use instead. I tried searching for other words that would be a better fit, but failed at finding good synonyms. If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Anyways, hope this was enjoyable. 'Till next time!**


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